The PTA Mom Strikes Again...and a Reflection on 2011

Melody

So its the week of New Years Eve, and back in October, Melody had asked me to help her out with some sort of play or skit for a holiday show that she was putting on at the school. I knew I'd have plans December 31st and told her that but she said "It's ok, this is December 30th, you can do it." Oook..guess I don't have a choice?..Between October and this week of December, no one had ANY information for me regarding this holiday show. Mark, Wenli, and even the teacher I was doing the skit with were all pretty much in the dark. The week of Sports Day was when we started to get word of what was going on and that's when I found out that not only would I be doing a skit but I also needed to re train the English singing group AND help out with the Reader's Theatre group from last year. Chiao and Sabrina were not thrilled about this because they are the sponsors for these groups. I would get a message here and there from Melody saying that we'd have rehearsal soon and she sent me a skit that was written in Chinese and it had a decent English translation. My only real practice was the day before and the day of the show. So I head over to the hall with Mr. Who, who is doing the skit with me (Who? oh, Who.) So I get inside the hall and the rehearsal already had been pushed from Wednesday to Thursday at 1 to Thursday at 3 to Thursday at 5..(I'm done with work at 4..) So I had to stick around school a few hours later than normal and I practiced my few lines with Mr. Who and Melody dominated the stage. The lady was all over the place, pointing out 8 different places to stand so we'd be moving all over but finally, after 4 times of doing the skit, we got it down. It's pretty simple really:

My only two lines are "Hi, how are you?" and "Gwa si a diong la"--. It's a witty skit that's about an old grandpa who sees me running on the track every morning and I always say "Hi how are you!" to him, and he doesn't know English so all he says is "Gwa si a diong la" --I look confused, he's confused, and we continue to run. We do this for a few days in a row and he finally asks his grand daughter what "Hi How are you?" means. She explains it and he practices the English phrase while I'm practicing the Chinese phrase he always says to me. When we see each other again, he waves and stumbles over his words and says, "Hi how are you?" and I say "Hi..uhh Gwa si a diong la" Which means, My name is Diong la." (This is the part where you're supposed to laugh..)

So the rehearsal goes fine and Melody tells us that we have another practice tomorrow at 1pm and I tell her, "oh, I have class in the afternoon though.." and she goes, "I know I checked your schedule, you don't have class until 2:20, so you can make it.." I'm getting irritated about her just telling me what I'm doing. So let me get to the story where I'm so infuriated that I want to punch the lady in the face. The next day (that night is the show) me and Mr. Who get to the gym at 1. Melody doesn't show up until 1:25 and rushes in without an apology and without even a hello. The only thing she said to me was, "I just went to bed at 7am, I haven't had any sleep." and boy you could tell..because this was a different species of any lady I've seen out here. Granted, Wenli is an energetic woman, but she's a nice and funny energetic woman..Melody on the other hand is an aggressive and scary energetic woman.  I felt like she was coked out or something. She never once blinked and just shouted out orders at everyone in the hall and when I say, "Hey Melody, just to let you know I need to leave here by 2 to get ready for my classes.." She goes, "OK then get on stage." like a demand! That was strike 1...so we're on stage and she's watching us from the floor and Me and Mr. Who are working out a plan of movements and we got our lines down but Melody isn't satisfied so she physically starts to move me around the stage. She would stop the skit in the middle of a scene and then randomly start over and then say, "Diana you are off stage now, you need to stand to the side when the play starts.." I was like.."wait what??..ya I know.. But we were just in the middle of the skit.." The rest of the 45 minutes went this way and she was talking to me as if I was a small child and as if I've never been on a stage in my life (um excuse me lady, didn't you ever hear of my Oscar-worthy performance in the GBN production of "Women of Troy.."?) Then strike 2 was when she gave me attitude and grabbed my arm for the 3rd time to drag me to a spot of the stage and flicked up my arm to get her off of me and I said, "OK, you DON'T need to touch me." I felt bad because I did this in front of Elim who is her niece and my super sweet student, but she was getting yelled at in Chinese too so..it was only a matter of time for someone to blow up. So I look up at the time, and its 2pm and I say, Melody I have to go I have class. She says, just one more time, you'll be out of here in 5 minutes. It's 2:10, the bell rings and I literally say, I have to go, I have 2 classes to prepare for and she looked all annoyed but I got off stage and walked out. Someone needs to slip her a xanax or 2.. See ya tonight lady...Mr. Who shot me a look that basically said, "I understand..I want to leave too.." and he's a grown man and she kept him there!

"Yu Ying's Holiday Show"...aka,  "Melody promoting her religious cram school while featuring Yu Ying only 3 times throughout the 3 hours show."

I show up to the show at 6ish and every single student of mine was there which was interesting. I've never seen them outside of their uniforms and they were all dressed in trendy Taiwanese clothes..like skinny jeans and brightly colored shirts with crazy words and bows and pictures of animals all over it. You really could see the separation with groups which I never outwardly noticed during school. All the cute nice girls and boys from my classes are friends and then all the little asshole punk kids and bratty girls hang out like a little gang..definitely a site to see. It reminded me of school events at Glenside Middle School like basketball games or student council dances where everyone wore their middle school best and attended..but it was clearly just to gossip, goof around, and stand in groups. It also made me feel kind of sad for them because they don't ever get a chance to socialize outside of school. Not only do they not have any sports teams/sporting events, I've asked Mark numerous times if they ever have school dances, talent shows, or carnivals and he said no.

I entered the hall and there were tables filled with school pamphlets and the little show itinerary for people to grab. The entire hall was filled with chairs..I didn't think we expected such a big turn out. Some of the pamphlets were for Melody's cram school and for the church she attended. I thought that was strange. I walk inside with Sabrina, her husband, and kids (which I was super excited about, I love Sunny and Leon) and me and her decided we should sit near the singing competition kids and then we run into Wenli. Wenli was excited to see me and of course asked if I was nervous or ready for my skit and then she tells Sabrina and me that she thought she was only there to watch me and the students perform (her nephew is actually one of my students and is in the singing competition) but once she got there, Melody assigned her as another M.C. for the whole entire show! Wenli was a little annoyed because she tends to get the shaft with those sorts of positions from the principal, but from a PTA mom was another story. Melody told her that she needs to hold the microphone at all times and when she calls her up to stage, Wenli needs to go on stage and announce what she tells her to announce. Sabrina and I thought that was odd that teachers were getting bossed around. Then, a man approaches me who turns out to be Elim's father (Melody's brother) and he was real excited to meet me and said that he's heard a lot about me and yadda yadda and then we see Melody walk quickly past us through the crowds of people and he hails her down and is like, "Melody, Melody! Look who I found!" (talking about me) and she looks over frantically wondering who's calling her name with her crack head eyes and sees him and me and gives him this look like "so what, THAT's what was so important that you had to stop me?" and like waved her hand at him saying, "don't bother me." He nervously laughed and almost apologized for her actions but I ended up saying, "oh she looks like she's pretty busy..it was nice meeting you!" I was actually super offended that after all this talk and preparation for her show, she didn't even have the decency to say "Hey Diana, are you excited?" or "Hey! Thanks for helping with the show Diana!" or just.."Hey." nothing. she said nothing to me. Sabrina and I take our seats by the singing group and then Wenli informs us that Melody wants us to sit up in the front row by Chiao because that's where the group sponsors go (reader's theatre, singing competition) so Sabrina has to leave her kids and husband behind and go sit up front. The place is actually packed with people. Pretty unbelievable! I assumed that most people were my student's parents but then I learned that this show wasn't even really for Yu Ying..it was for Melody's cram school. The school band and the reader's theatre group performed in the beginning which took not even 20 minutes and then the singing group and my skit wasn't until after the intermission.

We took our seats next to Chiao and Sabrina's kids and husband followed (Leon literally chased after her, couldn't be apart for a minute haha) and Chiao, Sabrina, and I are all watching the performances before intermission and they all seem to have some underlying themes..A) They aren't YuYing students, and B) every single performance and song and dance is related to Jesus. Every song is a Jesus song that you'd learn in C.C.D in kindergarten or something like that and it takes about an hour to get to the intermission. Jesus Loves Me, he's got the whole world in his hands, He's alive, and many many more church fun songs..oh but at the public junior high school. I started to wonder if this was as strange for the rest of the staff as it was for me..do people allow this much religion in public schools? Then I realized that..Chiao and Sabrina were livid. These are two ladies that I've never seen unhappy, and they were pissed. They were first talking in Chinese, on each side of me so practically talking to each other over my lap, and finally I interrupt and say.."so..are you guys talking about how strange this show is?" and Sabrina and Chiao went off (quietly as possible of course because children were in the middle of singing "I've got Jesus in my heart") and Sabrina was saying that she doesn't like that her children have to sit through 3 hours of this when they aren't Christian and Chiao was saying that this is inappropriate for a junior high and this is misleading because the show was supposed to be a show for the students and their parents. Sabrina was also saying that Melody purposely put our singing group in the second half of the show because she doesn't like Sabrina. Sabrina was told the singing group had to perform in this show just 2 weeks prior, so right away she asked if they could be in the first half so she could get out early to make it to Taipei that night at a decent time with her children for the New Year, but because of some little tiff they had a while back, Melody still put her in the second half. I mean I don't know the truth to it but I do know that I have a better relationship with Sabrina and Chiao and I trust what they say and they don't boss me around so..I'm clearly taking their side. After a few of the cram school kid's songs, this man gets up on stage to teach a dance to the crowd (which reminded me at the time..oh ya Melody had asked me if I would do a dance on stage and I told her "absolutely not.") So instead, she had her poor daughter up there (with hair extensions and knee length boots and a dress) and a few of her other cram school teachers/students. Thank GOD I wasn't up their dancing..this dance was humiliating..and inappropriate..I almost wanted to tell Melody that Jesus would not approve of pelvic hip thrusting and boob shimmy moves..but she knows Jesus better than me..honestly, after the whole dancing fiasco at the mountain BBQ, I wasn't that shocked that she wanted to once again be in the spotlight (It was to the same Mambo #5 sounding song too.) After the large group dance it was then Melody's turn to have the entire stage for a guitar solo singing a religious song of some sorts.

Finally it's intermission and I go towards the backstage to find Mr. Who to see where we should prepare or wait or whatever and I couldn't find him. I instead walked up to Wenli even though she was on guard by the stage in case Melody needed her services (poor Wenli is always sporting cute heels and is forced to stand at this thing) I told Wenli I wasn't sure where to wait or where to go and she wanted to help out and then Melody finally appears and, again, doesn't say hello or hey are you ready, and just goes "get your microphone on." My act followed the singing competition group so I was at least able to stand back stage with them to ease their nerves a bit. When it was time for my skit, Mr. Who had just made it in time from getting into his wardrobe and make up (I was uninformed that there would be make up provided!) And right off the bat, my skit seems to go wrong for me because this crazy microphone contraption that was wrapped around the back of my head and over my ears immediately fell off my head as I jogged onto stage. I improvised of course and just held the thing as I talked and jogged and what not. I didn't bother putting it back on. The skit went good, Mr. Who is hilarious and added his own little parts in there and played a great grandpa out there. Everyone laughed at the end of the skit which is good..it means they got the joke. We took a bow and I got off stage and went straight up to Wenli, Mark, and coffee Joe who were standing all together. Joe was the photographer and him and Wenli were talking about how strange the show was and Wenli was upset she had to stay until 9:30. I looked up on stage and my two students are performing in a reenactment of the Christmas Nativity Scene. They all told me that I could go if I wanted to and I took them up on that and got the hell outta there.I went home and drank two large beers and vented to my mom. I had an early morning ahead of me and was more than ready for

A Reflection on 2011 and NYE 2012

Before I talk about my amazingggg New Year's Eve in Taipei. I figured it'd be good to reflect on my year and on my past 5 months in Taiwan.

6 Months ago-I randomly decided to apply for teaching jobs abroad..not necessarily being too serious with it..but with a few emails back and forth with my parents at first encouraging me to do so and then a few discouraging me not to do so, and I ended up taking the interview with one in Taiwan. Not expecting to be offered a position, I was in a pickle and most people assumed I wouldn't take the job..The company recruiting me put me in contact with a complete stranger from Austin, Texas who lived in Taiwan for the past 2 years, Amber. We met at Mayan Palace and we drank 2 pitchers of margaritas and she convinced me to say yes to the job ( I like to joke and say that after 2 pitchers of margaritas, I'd say yes to living in Antarctica.) Tony Dieppa bet me 100 dollars I wouldn't do it earlier that week (you still owe me that money, Tony) and before I officially sent the email confirming I'd take the job, I was getting my hair done and told Stacy and Kari the news and they couldn't believe it but were so happy and we cried like babies. That night when I officially accepted, Louie and Casey were over at my house and I couldn't understand a word Andrew Liu was saying and trying to hold in my laughter because he was on speaker.  5 months ago- I had to quit my job as Nanny because I actually took the position in Taiwan. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do..like breaking up with a boyfriend or something..and then I shoved a ton of things into the few weeks I had left (Like a mini bucket list.) I Sold my car. Saw the greatest concert I've ever been to with Kristen-- the Paul McCartney concert-- Ate every possible favorite meal I had, Portillos, Joeseph's, Lou Malnati's, Augustinos. Took Charlie on walks. Met for a beer with almost every possible person I could at the suburban bars and the city bars. Then, I had a going away party at my favorite old place of employment, Anyway's, that was super sad and I was so nervous that I threw up my jaeger bomb all over the floor (I was sober, I swear) and my last weekend I spent the day at Anyway's with my sister drinking bloody marys and ironically, watching Taipei baseball on T.V., and that night, I ate dinner with my family at Jameson's. Had a dirty martini, a big steak, garlic shrimp, mashed potatoes, and a bowl of baked french onion soup and then I was prepared for my adventure to Taichung, Taiwan.

A year ago, if someone were to tell me, "Next year, you'll be teaching in Taiwan.." I'd probably say.."Where the hell is Taiwan?" and wouldn't be able to find it on a map..(sadly, this is true). Now, I'm in Taiwan. I went from not walking more than 2 blocks away from my apartment and strictly using my own version of sign language to get anything I needed..eating the same bowl of spicy beef noodle every. single. night. for 2 weeks straight.. crying almost every weekend because the teaching was so frustrating and I was homesick.. taking trips to Hsinchu where I had my only friends ..and now.. I can speak a little Chinese to order a lot of things, and I drive a scooter instead of a car (which I do still miss, I loved my car it was so pretty >_<)..I have friends within my own 5 mile radius, I rarely ever step foot in a night market to eat, and when I see giant dogs and families of 4 on scooters, it doesn't phase me. Going to 711 for all of your daily needs like buying bus tickets, reloading your phone minutes, buying your groceries, or paying off your parking tickets (which by the way are only 20NT each..It would take 83 of them to equal 1 Chicago parking ticket) and seeing people eating their meals there, is normal to me. When my fish and shrimp have all of their body parts in tact, I know how to eat them. When people stare at me, it annoys me now because I feel like they should be as comfortable with me as I am with them..and when people burp and spit everywhere..it still grosses me out (that probably won't change) and I still get anxiety every time I need to throw away my garbage and taxi drivers still don't know where the hell I live and lie and say they do and drive me around the city for 20 minutes..but that's ok..it doesn't make me cry anymore..

Overall, when I look back on these little accomplishments, it really puts into perspective how amazing this experience really is. Although I was and am constantly told by friends, family, and coworkers how this is an opportunity of a lifetime, it takes a while to actually realize that yourself. It's sometimes hard not to get jaded by my homesickness or my comfort level with daily cultural changes. I've always been good about staying positive in most situations but Taiwan has pushed me to my limit every single day, and for that, I am thankful and realize that I truly am experiencing the opportunity of a lifetime.

First encounter with the musical garbage truck

first taxi ride

first starbucks

first visit to Yu Ying with Sam

first attempt at ordering breakfast..

The man who made it all happen..Andrew Liu (our first face to face meeting)

Ok now let's recap New Year's Eve in Taipei.

Shija and I spent a short weekend in Taipei for their famous New Year's Eve celebrations. Taipei 101 has these amazing fireworks that shoot out of every level of the building which is the 3rd tallest in the world. If I had to compare these fireworks to the infamous Glendale Heights Summerfest fireworks, I'd say they were about 10 times better. Sorry Glendale Heights..I realize that 80% of the towns funds go into the summerfest fireworks every year..but I'm not sure how you will ever surpass Taipei's.

I was a little hesitant about celebrating in Taipei because nearly every person I told that I was heading there for the celebration, warned me about the crazy amount of people and the ridiculous crowds that would hinder our chance of seeing any fireworks, getting into any clubs, booking a hotel room, catching the MRT, or hailing a taxi. I'm not sure if it was the fact that Shija and I both come from city atmospheres, but everyone was wrong..I was expecting at LEAST the amount of people that the Taste of Chicago has, but it wasn't bad at all! Then I come to later find out that these citizens of Taiwan who've lived here their whole lives and who were the ones warning me about Taipei 101 on New Years..have never actually BEEN to Taipei 101 on New Years. They've always avoided it because of the talk of the crowds and chaos on that weekend. I was happy that we risked our lives attending..

We got to Taipei really early but with our free time we were able to visit the Chiang Kai Shek memorial which had a little carnival and concert happening outside, do some shopping (naturally), and eat breakfast and dinner. We had a good hotel room, we had a taxi drop us off directly in front of Taipei 101, and we had a choice of 3 to 4 clubs that were letting people in..and that included the original club that we wanted to go to which was Room 18. Although they sold out their rooftop tickets for that night, we were able to pay cover that included two drinks and at midnight all you had to do to see the fireworks was literally walk outside of the club and they were right next door! It was pretty cool how at 11:55, people cleared out the club, got their hands stamped and stood all together to watch the fireworks. Another cool thing about Taiwan and New Year's Eve is that it's not considered a date night and has zero expectations for a midnight kiss. I loved this! It was more so an event for friends and when the clock struck midnight, everyone clapped and stared up at the sky. No one turned to each other to hug or kiss or say "yayyy" or anything! Just clapping, pause, stare. My biggest regret for the night, and I'm sure this was Shija's as well, was not taking ANY photos in the dresses that we spent a fairly large amount of money on...I mean really, what's the point of having an awesome dress if you have no pictures to show for it! I still joke with her and say that we should just put the dresses back on one weekend and take pictures of ourselves..she half agreed to doing this. Anywho, the night was a blast and we have a few pictures to show for it. Here's a video I put together of our weekend.